


Save yourself

by allimoon



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-14
Updated: 2015-11-14
Packaged: 2018-05-01 15:49:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5211683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allimoon/pseuds/allimoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This song reminded me of Kageyama and his unique personality and here I tried to explicate it a little, focusing on the changes Hinata caused in his life. There's no light without darkness, after all, and of course, vice versa.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Save yourself

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo this... I don't really know what this is.  
> Kageyama's personality is something I really admire, because he has so many sides and has such a beautiful character development (I'm like a proud mother I never wanted to be). It's a bit dark, but here a even a little ray of sunshine could lead to some serious changes.
> 
> Oh and the song I used here is Save yourself by My Darkest Days (it's a pretty cool song you should check it out if you haven't heard it yet :))

[I’m the devil’s son straight out of hell]  
[And you’re an angel with a haunted heart]

It was just a dream, Kageyama had to remind himself. He had the same nightmare as always; standing on the court, feeling his teammates’ hatred focused on his lonely figure. The desire to win, to win at all cost. If they would win, then maybe his teammates from Kitagawa Daichi would understand that he has the same goal as them. To win.

They never win in his dreams.

After that fatal match he was sure there was something wrong with him, but he couldn’t figure out what that was and therefore couldn’t find the solution. He wanted to change, but he had no idea how to do that, how to start that, and deep down he was sure he wasn’t able to do that. He was already broken, and he felt like no one would be able to glue the shattered pieces of his heart, his soul, his whole life together, not even himself.

Then he met him.

After the struggle of the first week somehow they managed to get along, and now he would go as far as calling the smaller boy his friend.

Hinata Shouyou was the light in the darkness. The redhead was always full of energy, happiness, hope, will to fight and to never give up, and most of all, love. Hinata looked at everything and everyone with love and care. He was the exact opposite of Kageyama.

But somehow he was always on the setter’s side; competing, playing volleyball and spending his free time with the moody setter. Kageyama couldn’t understand why. After all, everyone said that his personality is utterly unbearable, and he felt like his heart was cold and frozen and his ability to love proved to be impossible.

Why was Hinata spending all his time with him? 

 

[If you’re smart you’d run and protect yourself]  
[From the demon living in the dark]

Today’s practice started out the same way just like always; competing with Hinata on the way to the club room, argueing with Hinata about who won, listening to Hinata’s cheerful chattering while changing clothes, competing with Hinata again to the court, laughing at Hinata for stumbling on his own feet and falling to the ground, helping Hinata up. It was only 6AM and Kageyama’s day was already full of Hinata.

The others didn’t arrive yet but that didn’t stop the two of them beginning the practice. After setting up the net and stretching a little the redhead grabbed a volleyball and looked up at the setter, who was deep in his thoughts.

Again.

Kageyama wasn’t the type who liked thinking and overanalysing things – well, except if it was about volleyball, of course – but lately he couldn’t stop the thoughts rushing over his head. The thoughts he had no idea how to deal with.

It took him a few seconds to realize that Hinata was talking to him.

’What? Did you say something?’

The smaller boy sighed and he looked tired somehow. Kageyama was wondering what made him tired if they haven’t even started the practice.

’It doesn’t matter.’

He turned around and began walking away from the setter, who felt like it was harder for him to breath than usual.

After Kitagawa Daichi he was sure that he would mess up any friendship he would have the fortune to make and he thought that he already made peace with that. Being alone isn’t so unbearable as everyone thinks. But why was he feeling so miserable now?  
When Hinata reached the other side of the court he turned around, still holding the colourful volleyball with so much love. He was smiling and his eyes were shining, and when he finally looked up and met Kageyama’s eyes his smile widened.

How can he smile when I keep let him down?

’Toss to me, Kageyama!’

 

[There’s nothing to be gained cause I can never change]  
[And you can never understand my sickness]

Kageyama’s thoughts kept drifting away during the long hours he had to spend sitting still in their classroom and at least try to act like that he was paying attention. He was never successful at that.

He knew that he wasn’t a person that others could easily get along with, and after he realized that if he wanted to change he would had to change his whole personality he decided to accept his current state. He could have gained more friends but for that he would had to break himself and rearrange the pieces of his personality into something new, something that wouldn’t be himself anymore.

He was sure he would have done that if he would have been desperate enough, but back then when everything was falling apart he had one thing to hold on. That one thing made him the person who he is now.

It was his will that gave him the strength to face and fight all the problems that came to his way. It gave him the persistence not to give up.

But after his first week in Karasuno and meeting someone who had the same strong will as his – if not even stronger – he stopped feeling so alone. Hinata never let him to be in his dark and deep thoughts for too long and he couldn’t even express how grateful he was for that.

Not that he hadn’t tried.

’Oi, Hinata.’

Walking together with the team after practice had became some sort of habit and it also gave him more time to be with the redhead who was always talking with someone, but after a few minutes he somehow ended up next to Kageyama again.  
’Yup?’ he asked while he was watching the sky. It was getting dark and the colours above them looked magical.

’Sorry for the morning.’ the setter mumbled but not dared to look at the other boy. That couldn’t stop him from feeling Hinata’s intense glare on him.

’What? What are you talking about?’

’That I didn’t pay attention and…’

Hinata’s laughter was so loud that the rest of the team turned their heads back to their direction. Kageyama was confused.

’Are you seriously apologizing for that?’

The setter felt his cheeks reddening with shame. What was he thinking? There it was; he tried again, tried to be a ’better’ person, but it resulted – again – like this. He wanted to run away or turn back the time with ten seconds or just to do anything when he felt Hinata’s hand touching his back.

He looked down at him and when his eyes met with Hinata’s shining ones and his so damn wide smile he felt that maybe he souldn’t turn back the time.

’I will apologise if you toss to me tomorrow, too!’


End file.
